Interests:Reading, computer games (kind of stopped that), movies (almost non-existent) and surfing the net (well, the fact that you see this says something huh). Occupation:Number cruncher
It had been 14 years since that faithful day when my life took a turning point. From a sheltered boy who stay most of my time at home playing games at home while not in school.. to the married working guy I am now. It had been quite a journey indeed.
I had always wish that time can turn back so that I can set certain things right a few years back.. But coming to think of it, I won’t want to go too far back as it is not really filled with happy memories along the growing up stage.
I am grateful that at the very least, I am somewhere now. Maybe I am really poor at adapting to my new work environment. But I am starting to hate certain areas of my work, certain selfish behavior of my colleagues and peers, super fast paced expectations (aka raising the bar) that doesn’t seem to match much of reality and the lack of a true work-life balance. Maybe.. what really bothers me is my lack of self worth as time goes by.
Hmm... Is the the root cause of me being a more irritable and impatient driver and/or a less-tolerant husband of my wife’s sometimes non-supportive and non-participative ways. Most probably, it is just me with my problems. (Like what a friend always said... Q: "What makes my problem a problem?” A: "Becos… they are mine!”) haha
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Mother.. Hope you are happy at where you are now. I am doing fine, but it could have been better if your son is matured enough earlier to handle the challenges that life thrown at me better. Sadly, Jenny is walking your path that you had taken back then but it is a pity that she doesn’t have the support of any family members nor the courage and determination you had back then to face what life had thrown at you. I can only wish her well..
It had been two weeks. For the first time in a long time, I had been working OTs and really doing work. Ok, what I meant is the level of concentration at work. First, there is no external web access (other than those authorized ones), no MSN, no email checking, etc.
Looks like I have been taking a lot of things for granted (yet again) I missed these things initially, but had grown to get used to it after this short period of time.
This company… they pay over-time (not common for my field), have very good bonus history, no financial issues, established code of ethics, quality programs (good and bad, depending how one look at it), etc etc.Sounds perfect? Well, almost - other than the “natural attrition” that boss is talking about. I can understand that people get tired of seeming continuous waves of “crisis” when SAP rolls out and colleagues moving on, long maternity leaves, etc. But.. things I had been hearing the past few days makes me worry enough to stay up to write this down before I move on to tackle the work puzzles at hand tomorrow morning (yeah, starting work at 8am is still something that I find hard to love). But… from where I come from, I value this stable environment and learning opportunity.
Seems to be a leadership issue that I cannot seem to place.. Well, will be observing to see what really the problem is.
Clocked 23 (18 previously and 5 today) hours of OT after 9 days of work. Good money but at the price of losing time for myself. An internal audit, month end closing.. what a timing to join the company. No regrets so far though. We shall see.. (yawn)
Why do I have to end up kicking myself for not taking up the small windows of opportunity that was presented to me, and which I could not negotiate the day before? I was dressed for it, even the lie is ready. But I just didn’t bite. Maybe it is due to the slight flu that I am suffering from, or maybe I am just being dense.
As much as I do not wish to admit it, maybe the person is right. I am just simply not trying hard enough, and I am definitely not “jumping” to catch any opportunities that come alone. It is not the temporary boss or the FT or the guilt of the short notice of work. It’s me..
Last weekend, I got this call from my granny asking me “Ping, you got your pay already?”. She is enquiring about her allowance which I am giving her on a monthly basis. Nothing wrong with that. Just that it had just been a few days since I last saw some relative passing her money and also it had also been the first time I heard a call directly from her despite ferrying her between my place and her friend’s place at least once per week.
Just this afternoon, my step-mum called asking me whether I had posted her cheque. I was trying to help her with her rental after she did something stupid with her “financial stress” of living alone months ago. But I do not know why she just seems to like calling me just once per month for this matter or when she need someone to help her after she did something silly again.
All these made me feel kinda frustrated and made used of. Feels like an ATM. What happens to “how are you?” and “Are you still alive”. No, they will have the answer to the second part when they do receive their money..
Accepted a new position yesterday. In 2 weeks, I will be starting work in a totally new place. It has the pay, the scope, the programs and exposure that I crave for. But there is always the unknown that is unsettling.
Mixed feelings, confusion, guilt.. I have to put them all away. Time to look forward and move on!
